Dear Mo, A year ago, I went through a total breakdown with my last relationship, I completely lost myself. After the relationship had collapsed I decided to change up my looks.All my life I was the all natural high or low ponytail type of girl, very plain jane. After my ex dogged me for some instagram model with fake boobs, I was livid. I switched my whole style up face full of unnecessary got me a vixen sew in, it was like my first hit to a crack pipe. After the first install I kept feeding that itch.
Seven months ago, the lord brought into my life a sincere and honest man. Too bad I have not been the same to him. When we met, I attempted to tell him that my hair was not real but that was what he complimented me on the most. He always says “I just love how you keep up your natural hair”. So I slipped up and told him “Thank you,I have been growing it for years”. Now that we are sexually intimate I find myself coming up with new ways to avoid him from touching my hair. Either I have it up, in a bonnet or I remind him of the golden rule, “Never touch a Black Woman’s hair”.
But now I am tired Mo of hiding this stupid secret! I miss my plain jane self more than ever, I feel so dirty! My fascination by other women and their natural curly hair is becoming too strong. But I am afraid of how he will react and how he will view me after lying. Will he not like me because of a new look? Will he leave me because of this lie? I need help Mo!
Dear Reader, Girl I appreciate you reaching out to me with your dilemma but your solution is actually very simple. First of all even though he put you in a awkward position you should have never lied about something as petty as your hair. But I will not scold you without giving you options as well.
Ok so if you do not want to be as a liar or another self hating Black woman here is one solution: GO TO YOUR BEAUTICIAN AND GET YOUR NATURAL HAIR SLAYED! Dye it, Trim it, curl it up, he will instantly forget about the extension look and fall in love with the real you. Just tell him that you wanted something new if he questions why would you cut your long locks, let him know it is just hair and it will grow back! This is also an opportunity to bring up wearing extensions as well.
The other solution is the best solution! TELL THAT MAN YOU LIED AND THAT UNDER THIS SILKY SHIT IS BEAUTIFUL KINKY CORNROLLS. We as Black Women must stop making ourselves victims to extensions and the “european look”. Also we are programming some of our Men who do still find us attractive to fall for the “foreign look”. Foreign look: Brazilian Hair, Asian Nails, Doll Face Eyelashes, and Italian bags. Don’t get me wrong all of those things are great but always remember to love the true you first because material things and looks don’t mean shit! Hair Insecurity is an undercover issue within our community and I believe we are helping other women by discussing your issue.
Look lady if that man leaves you over how you want to wear your hair then he never really cared for you in the first place and you should tell his ass to keep it moving! If he wants to continue being a slave let him! And if he decides to leave because you lied over something petty you must understand where he is coming from. In his eyes , if you will lie about your hair what else will you lie about? I hope this post finds you well baby girl, keep it truthful and I wish you success in your new relationship.
* Need some advice from Mo? She has open ears!!! Email your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org